Best Joke Ever

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Notmish
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Post by Notmish » Sat May 09, 2009 3:42 pm

Lol, happens.
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Post by Capital » Mon May 11, 2009 1:10 am

I umm,.... yeaaaa...
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Post by Craniumcrack » Mon May 11, 2009 12:29 pm

please have your eyelids burned off in a fire

thanks in advance
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Post by Isharii » Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:47 am

Read the whole thing, might be because I woke up 5 minutes prior to reading this, but the story had me completely sucked in. And the long read, in my opinion, made the joke at the end even better.

Kudos.
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Varnek
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Post by Varnek » Mon Aug 10, 2009 6:21 pm

why is this an announcement
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Post by Melbu » Mon Aug 10, 2009 6:26 pm

Varnek wrote:why is this an announcement
so more people read it obviously
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Tassadar » Sun Aug 16, 2009 4:51 am

i have a better joke for you:

women's rights;

now get this waste of time thread off the forums k thanks bai
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Palin wrote:but he leaves a really bad taste in my mouth
Shearokal (8:36:38 PM): das right, cause we niggas gotta stick together
Hirokal : NOOOOOO! I love Tass :(
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Rob » Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:29 pm

Here is another great joke. The source credit goes to reddit.

-----

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'

The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' replied the son,I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' said the son to this,I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father,but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.

The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.

Dear son,' said the father,I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'

The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'

The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.

The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.

Dearest father,' the son started,I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'

One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.

The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.

The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.

The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.

`Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'

It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.

The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.

Father,' the son said,You've made me very happy yet again.'

That night, the son spent on board the tanker.

The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.

A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.

His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'

Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'

`Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'

The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.

`Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'

The son nodded weakly.

The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.

`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.

The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.

`I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

`I- I-'

Then he died.
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Skoobs » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:06 pm

I laughed for about 5 minutes straight at the end of this.
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Ebonyia » Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:52 pm

avanne: and be like byahh, i'm a hot little pussy cat, meow
avanne (4:29:19 PM): "look, i'm a queen!"
avanne (10:40:50 AM): wanna ride my bones

avanne (2:43:01 PM): this girl on comedy central
avanne (2:43:04 PM): you'd love her
avanne (2:43:15 PM): she's talking about morning wood heh

avanne (2:32:29 AM): the gardener who's having an affair with the rich man's wife was pretty buff <3

men are weird...sometimes.
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by rejekt » Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:11 pm

Ebonyia wrote:avanne: and be like byahh, i'm a hot little pussy cat, meow
avanne (4:29:19 PM): "look, i'm a queen!"
avanne (10:40:50 AM): wanna ride my bones

avanne (2:43:01 PM): this girl on comedy central
avanne (2:43:04 PM): you'd love her
avanne (2:43:15 PM): she's talking about morning wood heh

avanne (2:32:29 AM): the gardener who's having an affair with the rich man's wife was pretty buff <3

men are weird...sometimes.

Men? More like Avanne.
Avanne
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Avanne » Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:14 pm

hate, u add too much to what i say!
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Tier
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Tier » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:16 pm

Ebonyia wrote:avanne: and be like byahh, i'm a hot little pussy cat, meow
avanne (4:29:19 PM): "look, i'm a queen!"
avanne (10:40:50 AM): wanna ride my bones

avanne (2:43:01 PM): this girl on comedy central
avanne (2:43:04 PM): you'd love her
avanne (2:43:15 PM): she's talking about morning wood heh

avanne (2:32:29 AM): the gardener who's having an affair with the rich man's wife was pretty buff <3

men are weird...sometimes.

remember that one time in vent,
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Tassadar » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:20 pm

Tier wrote: remember that one time in vent,
i know i do
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Palin wrote:but he leaves a really bad taste in my mouth
Shearokal (8:36:38 PM): das right, cause we niggas gotta stick together
Hirokal : NOOOOOO! I love Tass :(
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Ebonyia » Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:18 pm

Ask him about miley cyrus. He gets a kick outta her songs. ;)
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Varnek
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Varnek » Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:57 pm

See, there were these two horses. They grew up in the same barn, they ate the same hay- they were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do.

One day, a big series of races came up, and the second horse walked over to the first horse and said, "Hey, man- I need you to do me a huge favor. You always beat me by just a little bit, and, well, my owner is threatening to send me off to the glue factory if I don't win at least one race today. I mean, we grew up in the same barn, ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. You gotta help me out man!"

The first horse replied, "Of course I'll help you! I mean, we grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I promise, you'll win the first race."

Well, it comes around time to run the first race, and the horses line up at the gate. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins!

The second horse comes over and says, "Hey, I thought you were going to let me win that one. I mean, we grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do."

The first horse apologizes. "I was just so excited, with the gate, the gun, the here, the there. I'm so sorry. We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I promise, you'll win the second race."

So the horses line up at the gate for the second race. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins, AGAIN!

Now, the second horse is getting a little upset. He storms over and shouts at the first horse, "We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I thought we had a deal! I thought we were friends!"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," the first horse said. "It was just, the jockey was whipping my ass so hard, and there was this cute filly in the stable I was showing off for, and- I'm so sorry. We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do, and you know I'd do anything for you. I promise, you'll win this last race."

"I'd better."

So the horses line up at the gate for the third and final race. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins, AGAIN!

The second horse has had it. He storms over into the Winner's Circle and punches the first horse. "We grew up in the same barn! We ate the same hay! We were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! This is what I get for years of friendship? Well screw you too!" And the second horse jumps into his Mustang convertible and drives off.

"Oh no!" cries the first horse. "My best friend! We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! I've got to do something!" And he leaps into his fuel-efficient hybrid and goes tearing off after the second horse.

Their manager the dog shouts out, "Stop! No! Those were my two best horses! They grew up in the same barn, they ate the same hay, they were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! I have to stop them." He leaps into his Greyhound bus and peals out after them.

And they're a here and a there and a here and a there and a here and the second horse is running out of gas. So he pulls his Mustang convertible off to the side of the road and leaps out. He bolts for a nearby cliff to end it all. The first horse leaps out of his fuel-efficient hybrid and chases after him. And they start fighting at the edge of the cliff. "We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do!" the first horse yells. "I can't let you do this."

The Greyhound bus screeches to a halt and the dog leaps out. "Stop the insanity!" he screams.

The two horses stop fighting, in shock. The first horse turns to the second and says, "Hey look, a talking dog."
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Re: Best Joke Ever

Post by Tassadar » Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:31 pm

Varnek wrote: He leaps into his Greyhound bus and peals out after them.
thats one fast bus
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Palin wrote:but he leaves a really bad taste in my mouth
Shearokal (8:36:38 PM): das right, cause we niggas gotta stick together
Hirokal : NOOOOOO! I love Tass :(
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